I got into my car feeling defeated by life. I'm working at a job that demands more of my time and attention than my children and gives almost nothing back. The relationship that was supposed to last the rest of my life is over and I've come to the realization that dating in this stage of my life is going to be a lot less fun than when I was in my early 20's. I miss my dog and my fish and my 'stuff'. And I feel flabby and out of shape. As I drove and fretted I glanced at the temperature readout on my dash. It said 68*F. I couldn't believe it so I pulled out my phone and checked the weather app (at a red light people!) and it agreed with my Jeep. I decided that a run might be just what I needed.
Now I was feeling scared. It's been weeks since I ran for real. The Boston Harvest was my last race and probably my last real run. I did 1.5 miles on the treadmill one night but then work got in the way again. Would I be able to run? Would it actually help or just make me feel like a failure in yet another way? What if it really sucked and turned me off to my therapy of choice in this time of need?
I got home and no one was here. My mom had taken Gem to the grocery store and her husband was out and about. I took it as a sign that the run was meant to happen and threw on my INKnBURN denim shorts and steampunk shirt along with my humping bunny socks and Altra Torins. My Garmin thankfully still had a charge after weeks of neglect so I hopped in my Jeep and headed to Northmoreland Park.
I have never run at this particular park. My mom told me there was a 1 mile paved loop. It turned out it's actually pavers, as in brick and stone laid into a long winding path around a lake. I wasn't too thrilled about the surface but I was there and ready to go. I jumped out of my car and was struck by the fall foliage reflected on the glassy surface of the water, the sunshine beaming down on the families playing in the grass, and the lure of the other runners out on the path. I started my watch and tried to stay slow but not necessarily easy.
As I rounded the first bend I encountered a small bridge. The view from the bridge looked out over the lake to a boathouse. Geese were grazing on the bank and people were fishing. Walkers, runners, cyclists, and dogs were all out enjoying the day. The air whooshed in and out of my lungs and the tempo of rubber on pavement seemed in time to the nature around me. For the first time in a month I began to relax.
The next bend brought me into a small stand of woods. A family sat on a bench, a squirrel skittered through the leaves, and the shadows of the boughs brought a chill. I still felt good and it seemed like my legs and lungs were loosening up. I began to remember why I do this crazy sport in the first place.
I continued around the boat house and back to where I started. In the second loop I really began to feel the return of the rhythm that comes when you find the zone. Music played softly in my ears but I was barely listening. All the thoughts that have been angrily buzzing around my brain began to sting a little less. I found a little piece of myself that has been missing.
On the third loop my chest began to burn. I knew that I was pushing myself based on the paces I would see when I cared enough to look at my Garmin. For the most part I ran by feel and the tempo was steady. Mile 1: 9:57, mile 2: 10:10, and mile 3: 10:06. I reached my car at 3.2 miles in 32:05 and I was quite pleased with that.
The temptation to continue was strong but I know I need to be smart about coming back. I'm hoping to build back up over November and be able to run some strong races in December to finish out the year. And now I remember why I need to run. Every little detail of my life is still the same. Nothing has changed or will change the path I'm on but somehow it just looks a little brighter with a few extra miles on my legs.
