I recently shared this picture after a run:
It generated over FIVE HUNDRED likes and one hundred comments. Most of them were positive but there were a handful that were absolutely terrible. Let me start with the history behind the photo before I dive into the commentary.
It was a regular Wednesday. I happened to finish my work assignment for the day early. I do field work in industrial settings so when a project is finished, I am finished. Usually this means I get to work on sites for 10-20 hours per day but sometimes things go in my favor. This day was one of them and I decided to make the most of it by fitting in a midweek longer run.
I headed to North Park to run the 5 mile loop around the lake. It's not flat but it isn't mountains either. I began my journey at my usual pace and tuned into the pounding beats emanating from my ear buds. As I finished my second mile a squad of police cadets ran out of a parking lot and began to run in two columns about a tenth to a quarter mile ahead of me. They were close enough that I could see each individual but far enough that I couldn't read the names emblazoned on the back of their t-shirts.
An idea germinated in my mind. I could use these fit fellows as motivation for my run. I began to speed up just trying to get close enough to read their shirts. A group of four cadets broke away from the squad and ran ahead. I felt the drive inside of me begin to whisper, "You can catch them." I poured on just a little more gas and before I knew it my frequent hill runs were paying dividends. I passed the main group on an uphill and gave them a smile and a nod. They returned the greeting and that was that.
Isn't the use of timing devices a way to gauge our progress?
As I slowly gained on the breakaway group, I thought to myself that it was kind of amusing that I had just 'chicked' a group of really fit men. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and snapped the above picture without breaking stride. I assumed it would be too blurry to share but didn't care too much. I continued on with my run, catching and passing the breakaway group, and happened to see another squad of cadets coming the other way. One of them was walking and he looked miserable. I shouted, "You've got this! Keep it up!" He smiled and began to jog again. I finished my run without seeing any other cadets and didn't think much of sharing my picture.
Then the comments began to roll in. At first it was mostly 'LOLs' and 'You go girl!' But then a few people suggested that I wasn't giving the cadets a fair shake. After all, they were doing a formation run which means they were only as fast as the slowest runner. I saw the point but they obviously were able to go at their own pace or else there wouldn't have been a breakaway pack for me to catch. Then there were comments that I would get my a$$ kicked if those guys were on their own or if I tried that with a military member or whatever. At first I argued... I mean I beat men and women on a regular basis and I WAS a Marine.
Then I gave up. The comments came one hundred percent from men. I began to wonder if strong women are that much of a threat or if there's still a negative association with competitive women. Almost all of the comments used the word competition like a four letter curse or as if it was something dirty. In the end, my post ended up being taken down by the moderators and I was left to wonder what was so wrong with passing someone on my run and feeling good about it.
Am I only allowed to be competitive during a race?
Being competitive is associated with being an ugly person in our society. People see it as being greedy and narcissistic. We feel guilty for having competitive feelings and we make other people uncomfortable if they express their own. However, competition can come from personal challenge instead of winning. It's not an 'all or nothing' mentality and it's healthy and natural when it's handled correctly.
Human nature is an elusive concept but everyone has competitive feelings. The coworker who just got a promotion, the attractive friend who gets more dates, the complete stranger who got the parking spot or has a nicer car... They all bring out unsettling feelings and we instantly try to temper or dampen those emotions.
Mr. Wonderful set out to win his last race... and he did!
Accepting competitive feelings can be hard. Yet when we do, we begin to understand what it is that we really want. Thoughts and feelings are NOT the same as actions. And therefore, feeling competitive and using those emotions as motivation to better yourself is OKAY.
When we hide our competitive nature we become cynical. "Why is SHE the one who gets all the attention? It's only because her dress is so short." Or we become gossips. "I heard he only got the promotion because he golfs with the VP." Maybe you're thrilled your best friend just bought the sports car you've both ogled since third grade but at the same time you're secretly gloating over how high the gas and maintenance costs are going to be. Pretty soon you are distancing yourself from someone close to you because you have begun to see them as 'materialistic'. Meanwhile, it's only your inner competitor that you refuse to acknowledge. You pretend you don't want those 'things' (car, house, promotion, or race trophy) because competition is uncomfortable and you deny yourself to avoid those feelings. And BAM!, you're leading a life you don't really want.
I wanted my first win... badly
I'm here to say that if you want something then go after it. Don't hurt others to get it but don't deny yourself things that bring you joy either. If you and I find ourselves locked in a dead sprint to the finish line at our next race I hope you know that I'll congratulate you wholeheartedly if you beat me. I hope you can do the same should I take the lead. And, if you pass me on my next training run, let me just thank you now for motivating me to push a little harder, to try to keep you in sight, to be that much faster the next time we meet. And, should I pass you, please know that I'm not looking down on you. In fact I hope you'll challenge me the next time we meet. I hope your training is beyond spectacular and you can share with me all the wisdom you've gleaned and your new favorite speed work drills. I'll gladly share my water with you if you'll share your banana with me.... after the competition is over.
I am a woman. I am competitive. And it's nothing against you.
I often imagine winning a big race in a full sprint to the finish with a worthy opponent during my runs.
Are you competitive? Do you feel insulted if someone passes you on a training run? Does it feel good to pass someone? When is it too much?
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