Growing Goals

As you all know I'm (still) in college. The reason why is simple. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. Does anyone really at 18? I started out thinking I wanted to work in genetics. Dolly the sheep and glowing mice and the Human Genome Project all happened while I was in school. I began majoring in biology and quickly realized I didn't have the right stuff. I don't mean that I'm not a good student. I mean that I can't grasp things I can't see and touch. Electricity? Lost on me. DNA? Same thing.

So I eventually decided that a degree in business administration was a good base for whatever I ended up doing. I got my Associates around the same time I started running and realized that I wasn't going to be happy sitting at a desk and crunching numbers. So I changed my major to Sport Management: Health and Wellness. I seriously would run for a living if I was talented enough. I eat, sleep, and breathe running. I have a running calendar, running ornaments on my tree, a running tattoo on my ankle, etc.

Running makes me smile

I've kept plugging along at this degree thinking that working with athletes would make me happy. I'm not sure WHAT exactly I'll be doing with it but it will be closer to my dreams. Then I got laid off at work. It's not permanent or anything. It's just seasonal downturn that is the nature of my day job. The last couple weeks I've been doing nothing but focusing on my training, my classes and, of course, my family. Apparently the euphoria surrounding me during this period has been palpable. One of my friends commented, "Did you change jobs? You seem so much happier lately." And that got me thinking....

What exactly is it that I'm looking for? I know I can't just run and be mommy when I finish college as much as I would love to. There's bills to pay and races to register for and little people demanding clothes, food, and entertainment. So what will make me happy and put food on the table? What are my exact needs and wants in a career? I started by taking the time to really examine what I DON'T like about what I do now as I suffered through a treadmill run today.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. It's GOALS! I love running because I have goals and benchmarks and I can measure my success in a quantifiable form. Perhaps those business classes are paying off? I don't know if I ever would have thought about quantifiable goals without them. However, in my current job I don't have them. Every day I go somewhere different and work with new people and see new things. These are elements I DO like because I get to move and learn. (Add to 'need' list.) BUT I can't measure my success in any form except financially.

It's easy to measure success here

If I were an accounting professional at a company I could aim to improve cost savings by X percent or increase profit by a certain margin. If I were a health professional I could work to improve patient outcomes. In my job I can't control anything or work towards anything. I am given an assignment (perform X number of tests tonight) and then left to do it. My shift is over when the work is done so it's not a race against the clock and I can't outperform expectations. I simply do as instructed and move onto the next job. And THAT is exactly what drives me nuts! I want to measure my improvement and my growth. I want to set new goals as I exceed my current ones. I want to know what's expected of me in a quantifiable way and then work to rise above them.

So where does that leave me? Well, in fact, nowhere. I still have twelve more classes until I graduate and I still have to work at my current job until that point. And rumor has it that the university I'm attending is facing a teacher strike so it may take longer than the 3 semesters I had planned. But now I have a new goal! Find a job that meets these needs: Work in varying places and/or with varying people, have room for growth and learning, and be able to set and meet quantifiable goals with my supervisors. Now I can look at job openings in the health and wellness field with a better eye for what I may want to pursue. And that in and of itself is a huge step for me! Maybe I'll actually be able to answer the age old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Stress Less, or How I Avoid Throat Punching Jerks

It's been a horrible week at work. I found out from a client that my coworker has been badmouthing me and the company at every opportunity. I'm not sure what I did to this person, my boss suggested it was a sarcastic comment I made some months ago. All I know is that in my life I have never taken a crude comment or gesture from another employee as a ticket to try to ruin their career.

I've spoken with my manager, the Human Resources Manager, the Lead Project Manager and everyone short of the President about this situation hoping to find some relief. All I've found is that they are reluctant to let this bonehead go. It's painfully clear to me that my position and contributions aren't of any value if they are willing to continue to employ someone who would undermine my actions and the company's at every opportunity. I made it clear to my boss that next week I would be waiting for a decision, jerk or me. There's not enough room in the cube farm for both of us.

Now I sit and wait... and worry. I worry because I don't want to put my family in financial stress. I worry because I don't want to have a bad mark on my employment record. I worry because I don't know that I'll have a job Monday morning. I worry because the stress is taking a toll on me mentally and physically. And when something is stressful enough that it takes a toll on my running I know that I have to do something to handle it. I haven't been eating or sleeping properly and my left knee is still giving me grief. I'm starting to think it's psychological.

Thankfully, my husband made plans to get me out of the house and onto the trails this weekend. There's a group of runners in our area that I've begun to think of as the 'regulars'. I'm not sure that my husband and I fall into this group but I'd like to think so. These are the faces I see at every race and the names I hear in every running conversation. They're the runners that always have plans, races and food for everyone. The plan today was for everyone to meet in a park not too far from our home and run 10 miles.

The best part about this plan is that my husband has never done more than 5 miles. The 'race' was a 2 mile out and back on a trail going one direction and then a 3 mile out and back going the opposite direction. My husband said he was planning to stop after the first 4 miles. When I reached the 4 mile mark and didn't see him waiting I figured I missed him. Turns out he decided he could do the whole thing and amazingly he did, still faster than me, in 1:25.

I finished in 1:40 and felt pretty good with that. According to my Garmin it was 10.1 miles which works out to a 9:56 average pace. Maybe I can pull off this 4:19 marathon afterall?! My stomach was not happy and my knee was aching but overall I felt more relaxed than I've felt in the last 5 days. I really needed that run and the company too.

So hopefully I'll be back next week with a lower stress level one way or another. And I'll also be back to announce the winners of my IAFF Charity Raffle! So don't forget to make your donation and get those last entries! Then in February I'll be coming up with some more fun ways to benefit this fantastic cause! So help me out if you can and run a mile for me while you're at it please?!

XOXO