Hey You!

Hey you! Yes, you. I'm judging you.

The 'fat' chick on the treadmill. The big guy on the elliptical. The skinny kid lifting an empty bar. The old guy running with the funny gait. The clumsy girl on the secondhand bike.

 Who lifts two pound dumbbells?

 

You wear baggy clothes covered in sweat. Your footsteps are loud and uneven. And your breathing... oh my god, your breathing. Everyone around you is worried that a coronary is just around the corner. You stare straight ahead. I know you're not really oblivious to the looks from the regulars. You know they think you're just another resolutioner. They feel smug knowing that you'll disappear from their realm in a month, maybe less. You keep your head down and plod on. Why? Why do you bother?

Eat another slice of cake why dontcha?

 

I know why. I understand. If you would just look up, you would see that I'm not looking at you with disgust. I'm looking at you with hope and awe. I have been fat. I have been skinny. What I had never been, before those first steps, was strong. I look at you and see potential. Unlimited, bottomless potential. You can become a runner. Or a cyclist. Or a body builder. You can be healthy, fit, or strong. Or maybe even all three. Whatever you want to attain is just a few months of hard work away.

 

If you would just look in my eyes you would see that I want to help you. I want to offer you hope and encouragement and maybe even some advice. I want you to stand tall because you won't give up in a month no matter what those stuck up meat heads think. You will soon be a regular and no one will look twice when you walk into the gym or step onto the road. And then it will be your turn to open your arms to the new guy or girl.

 

You're not even wearing 'real' running clothes!

 

So whether you're old or new or haven't even started yet.... Welcome. Welcome to my gym. Welcome to my roads. Welcome to the world of fitness. Don't give up. And for goodness sake don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't worthy. We all started somewhere and not very many of us have reached our goals. So lift your head, look around. I bet you'll find those looks are a lot friendlier than you imagined!

 

Disclaimer: I wrote this post because I am sick of the jokes and snide remarks about the New Year resolutioners. And once upon a time I was one. The pictures included here are of ME! I can say these things about myself because I thought them at one time!

 

 

Finding Motivation

I'm slowly rebuilding myself from my three months of apathy. I used some frustration today to push myself to a new 'long' run, a whopping 6.32 miles. While it would have been a short run just a few months ago, it is now the longest I've gone in 3 months. The good news is I feel fine and I even averaged a good (for me) pace.

I also found a new 'game' for passing time on the treadmill:

After every third song I increased the speed by 0.1MPH. I started at 6.1MPH and continued until I was at 6.8MPH. Then I was less than 5 minutes away from an hour so I just started mashing the up button. If I remember correctly I finished at 7.2MPH. I ended up with an average pace of 9:29 so I was pretty happy with that and I was never really bored because I was counting songs instead of miles or minutes. I think I'll keep this as a progression run game!

I took that moment of motivation and ran with it. I registered for the Lt. J.C. Stone 50k on March 22, 2014. I have 99 days to get myself back from 6 miles to 31. I feel like it's a very achievable goal and it has a sentimental value because this race was my first 'real' ultra (since the Rachel Carson is not billed as a race).

J.C. Stone 50k 2011

 

I haven't chosen a plan yet. I don't even know if I'll follow one. It will be hard to run long on the weekends that I have both girls. I'm guessing I will have to alternate long runs with tempos and hills on the weekends in between. Then there's the problem of the midweek longer run. My gym imposes a 30 minute time limit on equipment when they are busy. I usually feel like I'm getting weird looks after an hour even when there's fewer people. And with New Year Resolutioners just around the corner, I just don't see 10 milers happening during the week. It's going to be a challenge but it's one I'm looking forward to.

 

Hopefully this is what I needed to find the willpower I built over the 9 months of Burning River training! See you on the roads!

Stronger

Thanksgiving was not at all how I planned it but it may have been even better. Sharing an evening of non-traditional food, board games, and silly shows with my daughter and a great friend made the holiday memorable. I missed my family but I'm hopeful the weather will cooperate for Christmas.

Friday morning Gem and I packed our bags and headed south. The trip to Virginia Beach was fairly uneventful and I was thrilled to see two of my closest friends, Jenn and Dan. Gem hit it off with their children immediately. We spent Friday evening catching up before bed. We had to be rested Saturday for the main event.

After a hardy breakfast of ham and cheese omelets Jenn and Dan took me over to the Brute Strength Gym. My friends have been training for Strongman competitions and this was my first chance to see them in action. The hour long clinic was focused on tire flips and fingal fingers, neither of which I had attempted before.

Dan warming up with some Sara tosses

 

I stayed in the back and watched as women with muscles I dream of having heaved the 300 lb tire over. When it was my turn I put on a brave face and approached the tire. I've never deadlifted more than 145 lbs and I was afraid that I wouldn't even get it off the floor. But it came up surprisingly easily and before I knew it I was lining up at the 380 lb tire. That also went up and over without a hitch. Next up was the 500 lb tire. That was a little more of a struggle as you can see below:

 

 

 

After that I attempted 625 lbs but I couldn't even budge it. Oh well. Almost four times my body weight is a good start!

 

We moved on to fingal fingers after the tire flips. I had never seen a finger and it was intimidating. A hollow metal tube is filled with rebar to meet the weight required. If I remember correctly my weight was 207 lbs. The tube is attached to a pivot on the floor and the point is to deadlift the tube, clean it, and then quickly push it to vertical and over the pivot.

 

Fingal Finger picture (strongman.org)

 

I had very little trouble lifting and cleaning the finger but, once it was shoulder height, I couldn't press it to overhead.  It took everything I had to just work my shoulder under it towards the pivot one small bite at a time until I could heave it over. Upper body strength is clearly my biggest weakness.

 

Noodle arms!

 

The experience was amazing and gave me a new appreciation for lifting. I usually dread strength workouts where I feel trapped into 3 x 12 reps of standard exercises. Strongman workouts were more like really heavy playground excursions. I think I could really get into training like that. Tires, logs, rocks, and pretty much anything heavy and awkward can be used to create an amazing workout.

 

The aftermath of it is almost as entertaining. I am black and blue from shoulder to fingertips with a few scattered bruises on my stomach, hips, and thighs from resting the weight of the implements at different points on my body. I went for a haircut today and when I removed my coat I'm pretty sure the hairdressers jaw hit the floor. I almost wanted to explain but thought I might just come off as crazy if I tried!

 

My wrist is disgusting!

Left bicep

Right bicep

 

This experience was so worth the temporary pain and stares. And now I can proudly rock my Brute Strength Gym tank top!

 

 

 

 

Did your holiday involve any unexpected or exciting workouts? How did you counter all those tempting calories?

 

A Day For Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

Today I'm doing my best to be thankful for what I have instead of looking at what I do not have. So here's what I'm celebrating today:

1. My daughters. They are the reason I keep moving forward and bettering myself. Today it's just Gem and I hanging out at home. The weather prevented us from going to see our family which brings me to my second item....

2. Friends. My friends hold me up, support me, and kick me in the butt when needed. Today another one of my friends had no Thanksgiving plans. So we're making it a day of fun instead. We'll be having shepherd's pie, chili, apple pie, chocolate cake, and hot chocolate while watching Christmas specials and playing board games.

3. Family. Even though we're scattered over the east coast now we're still a family. I never would have made it this far without them.

4. The obvious one... RUNNING! Today I celebrated my health and ability by heading out at sunrise to run (post hole?) through the snow and ice in the park to meet my mileage goal for the year!

Despite the 17* temps, the icy conditions, and it being a holiday there were still three other crazies in the park. I struggled against the part of my brain that told me to go home, pig out, and be warm. Having others out there encouraged me and reminded me why I love the community that surrounds my sport. Hitting my mileage goal over a month early despite all the setbacks of the last three months was just icing on the cake.

I came home and bragged to Gem that I'd reached my 1,300 mile goal and she asked what I'd run in previous years. So I graphed it out:

I didn't realize this was a PR or just how far I'd come in the last 3 years. I have to say it's a great feeling and it made me even more grateful for my amazing coach who got me through my first hundred, a 50 miler four weeks later, third woman at North Coast 24 Hour, and a marathon PR. My daughters who are excited by mommy's running adventures and encourage me in my pursuits. My family who cheers me on while secretly worrying about my mental stability. My friends who listen sympathetically and then tell me to suck it up and get back to work. My teammates at FitFluential, INKnBURN, and Altra who prove to me on a daily basis that anything is possible with a good plan and hard work.

I am so blessed this holiday season and I hope all of you are as well! Share with me what has made your year and your Thanksgiving special!

On My Skin

I finally got my fifth tattoo today. I've been waiting... and waiting some more. Why? Because I hadn't finished a hundred miler. And when I did finish BR100 my life began to fall apart. Maybe you remember this post when I wrote about the compass rose necklace I bought myself when I first started running. I told myself I would mark it on my skin permanently when I ran my first one hundred. Little did I know how long that journey would be!

Today I walked into my favorite tattoo place on a whim thinking I would get it drawn up and make an appointment. The guy asked, "Want to do it now?" I began to hesitate and then thought to myself, "What's the point in waiting for anything? Just do it!" So I said yes and we began the process of laying it out and inscribing it on my body forever.

And here is what I walked out with an hour later:

 

It's a representation and a celebration all in one. It represents the path I've travelled and the path I'm on as my life changes direction again. It celebrates the end of my journey to travel 100 miles on foot. It represents my moral compass and my desire to stay my course when it seems the entire world is against me. It will hopefully be a good luck charm for finding my path out on the trails when running and racing.

Life is never what we expect but so long as we raise our sails and chart a course we can follow the stars to where we are meant to be. The journey begins today...

Returning to the Run

Today was a beautiful fall day for western PA. Temperatures in the 60's, light breeze, sunshine, and no rain. All day as I slaved away at work, having a terrible day, I felt wound tight and ready to have a fit. I made a big mistake. I cut my hand. I couldn't get a simple project right. And my boss was overdue on getting my annual review (and therefore raise) done. I finally nagged him into doing the review and he gave me a score much lower than I thought I deserved.

I got into my car feeling defeated by life. I'm working at a job that demands more of my time and attention than my children and gives almost nothing back. The relationship that was supposed to last the rest of my life is over and I've come to the realization that dating in this stage of my life is going to be a lot less fun than when I was in my early 20's. I miss my dog and my fish and my 'stuff'. And I feel flabby and out of shape. As I drove and fretted I glanced at the temperature readout on my dash. It said 68*F. I couldn't believe it so I pulled out my phone and checked the weather app (at a red light people!) and it agreed with my Jeep. I decided that a run might be just what I needed.

Now I was feeling scared. It's been weeks since I ran for real. The Boston Harvest was my last race and probably my last real run. I did 1.5 miles on the treadmill one night but then work got in the way again. Would I be able to run? Would it actually help or just make me feel like a failure in yet another way? What if it really sucked and turned me off to my therapy of choice in this time of need?

I got home and no one was here. My mom had taken Gem to the grocery store and her husband was out and about. I took it as a sign that the run was meant to happen and threw on my INKnBURN denim shorts and steampunk shirt along with my humping bunny socks and Altra Torins. My Garmin thankfully still had a charge after weeks of neglect so I hopped in my Jeep and headed to Northmoreland Park.

 

I have never run at this particular park. My mom told me there was a 1 mile paved loop. It turned out it's actually pavers, as in brick and stone laid into a long winding path around a lake. I wasn't too thrilled about the surface but I was there and ready to go. I jumped out of my car and was struck by the fall foliage reflected on the glassy surface of the water, the sunshine beaming down on the families playing in the grass, and the lure of the other runners out on the path. I started my watch and tried to stay slow but not necessarily easy.

 

 

 

As I rounded the first bend I encountered a small bridge. The view from the bridge looked out over the lake to a boathouse. Geese were grazing on the bank and people were fishing. Walkers, runners, cyclists, and dogs were all out enjoying the day. The air whooshed in and out of my lungs and the tempo of rubber on pavement seemed in time to the nature around me. For the first time in a month I began to relax.

 

 



 

The next bend brought me into a small stand of woods. A family sat on a bench, a squirrel skittered through the leaves, and the shadows of the boughs brought a chill. I still felt good and it seemed like my legs and lungs were loosening up. I began to remember why I do this crazy sport in the first place.

 

I continued around the boat house and back to where I started. In the second loop I really began to feel the return of the rhythm that comes when you find the zone. Music played softly in my ears but I was barely listening. All the thoughts that have been angrily buzzing around my brain began to sting a little less. I found a little piece of myself that has been missing.

 

On the third loop my chest began to burn. I knew that I was pushing myself based on the paces I would see when I cared enough to look at my Garmin. For the most part I ran by feel and the tempo was steady. Mile 1: 9:57, mile 2: 10:10, and mile 3: 10:06. I reached my car at 3.2 miles in 32:05 and I was quite pleased with that.

 

 

 

The temptation to continue was strong but I know I need to be smart about coming back. I'm hoping to build back up over November and be able to run some strong races in December to finish out the year. And now I remember why I need to run. Every little detail of my life is still the same. Nothing has changed or will change the path I'm on but somehow it just looks a little brighter with a few extra miles on my legs.

Starting Over

I haven't posted (or run or worked out or done much of anything) for several weeks. This isn't the typical lack of motivation or too busy at work post. It's not even an injury or a nagging ache. It may be the biggest change of my life.

Shane and I have separated. The last month or so has been a mess of trying to cope with the fall out, figuring out custody, dividing property, and all those other fancy legal terms. But in reality it's all just a mess. I'm not sure how we got here. He's angry and hurt and I'm angry and hurt. And the kids are caught in the middle. Somehow running just didn't seem like a priority anymore.

I'm slowly pulling myself back together starting with getting back to work and working out. I'm hoping that the familiarity of routine and rubber on pavement will help me find myself again. So there it is, out in the open and internet official. It feels weird to say it, even weirder to BE it, but I am a single mom again. Sometimes life is funny like that.