Recently, I've heard and experienced a lot of comments about people's bodies. Let me start this with a question... When did it become acceptable to say anything except, "You look great!"? I am not sure what these comments say about the people who spoke them. Are they that ignorant? Are they just rude or stupid? Maybe they are jealous or even think they are giving a compliment. No matter what their reasoning, I reiterate, it is NOT acceptable in the least to comment on anyone's weight or appearance EVER!
Let's start with my awesome running mama friend. She is 5 months postpartum and running 40-50 miles per week. On her Sunday long run she passed another woman. This woman thought it was appropriate to remark, "I feel like a slug just walking. Here you are jogging and pregnant." Now let's break this down. First, my friend was not 'jogging'. She was running! Get it right! Second, she's not pregnant and she's only 10 pounds away from her pre-pregnancy weight. She looks amazing and she's going to run an ultra before her baby is even a year old. So, unless, you can see a head crowning, it is NEVER appropriate to assume a woman is pregnant. I assume this was an incident of a backhanded compliment. If something like this has ever come out of your mouth may I suggest alternatives like, "You go girl!" or "I want to be as awesome as you someday!" Weight, gestational status, and jogging comments should be caught by the brain to mouth filter if it is functioning!
Nope, not pregnant!
The next example happened to my very buff firefighter friend while waiting for some work to be done on his car. A woman in the waiting room asked him, "Do you ever feel like the world is closing in on you?" He asked her why she asked and she stated, "Because you're just so big! Your phone looks so tiny when you hold it!" Okay, I know the debate on how big is 'too big' will never end. It's personal preference, period. But my friend may have to enter your burning home and pull your limp body through the smoking ruins to an ambulance, possibly up or down stairs and around furniture and rubble. I'm sure you would be grateful for his brawn in such a scenerio. So how about from now on we change our line of thought to, "that guy/girl must work really hard and have extreme discipline". If you don't want to be that 'big' or be with someone with lots of muscle then don't. But shut your pie hole before you assume that it somehow limits their life.
She could probably pull you from a burning building
Finally, I have gotten several comments in the last few weeks about being 'so skinny' or 'tiny' or whatever. Here's the deal. I'm squarely in the normal range based on BMI. I'm squarely in the normal range based on body composition, weight, and every other metric for a woman of my age and height. Maybe Americans have a skewed view of normal now that obesity is considered an epidemic. Maybe the backlash against stick figure models has swung the pendulum too far in the other direction that we're now idealizing carrying extra weight. Whatever the cause, I don't care. What I do care about is that these folks have the cahoneys to make comments about my body to my face. If I was slightly to moderately overweight and made a statement that I wanted to lose weight my friends would rush to reassure me that I'm beautiful the way I am. No one would suggest that I eat less, join a gym, or anything else because that would be 'mean'. But thin women are supposed to be confident and happy in their own skin so comments like, 'eat another helping of _____. You could use some more weight' shouldn't bother us.
Well, to be blunt, F THAT! I have insecurities. I have cellulite, stretch marks, and body parts that I wish had more definition or shape. I love what my body DOES. I've trained it well and I can accomplish amazing feats but that doesn't change that sometimes what I see in the mirror makes me have a moment of self-doubt. On the flip side, there's a serious stigmatism to certain body shapes. There's raging debates over thigh gaps and bikini bridges and whatever else is 'trendy' right now in the eating disordered communities.
See those two lumps? Not abs. Those are my ribs.
You know why that sucks? Because I have both a thigh gap and a bikini bridge. I'm not suffering from an eating disorder. I'm not physically or mentally ill in any way that is causing me to be 'too skinny'. I just happen to be shaped a certain way and now I get to be hated or ridiculed for it and I'm supposed to just take it because our society has made social commentary on other people's bodies, especially if they are closer to 'ideal', acceptable.
Well, it's not and it never will be. Think before you speak. Treat other people, of all shapes and sizes, with respect. Build them up. Compliment them on something that isn't out of their control. Find reasons to look beyond their physical shape. Because when you finally see the person on the inside that's when the person will feel comfortable in their own skin no matter what it looks like at that moment.
