Motivation, or the Lack Thereof

The holidays are in high gear and so is all the craziness that goes with them. I’ve been doing really well the past four weeks in training for the Umstead 100 Mile Endurance Run. I haven’t skipped a run or even a single mile. Now, in week five, I’m facing a sudden mountain of doubts and a loss of motivation. It’s not easy to keep up with being a wife, mother, employee, student, and runner (blogging isn’t a chore so I won’t list it!). I’m fighting to write and mail cards, find the perfect last minute gifts to round out my shopping, bake some goodies, and our tree is still only half decorated. The bottom half at that because that’s all the higher my daughter could reach. Yes, I made my kid decorate so I didn’t have to!



I pushed through the first two days of this week and went to the gym despite not feeling any desire to do so. Today I realized I hadn’t gotten my coworkers anything and I felt guilty. So I skipped my lunch run and bought a pack of cards and some lottery tickets. I spent the remainder of my time filling them out and putting them in envelopes. I’m sure my coworkers are happy, at least one got a winner so far, but I’m angry and disappointed with myself. What a cop out! I could have bought cards and lottery tickets on the way home and done that tonight with a glass of wine while the kids slept. Now I’ll be trying to motivate myself to hit the treadmill instead.



I love running for a lot of reasons and the feeling of accomplishment after a run is not the least of them. So why am I so unmotivated? I’m not sure. Perhaps it’s the sense of impending failure. I’ve already attempted one hundred miles once and failed so why should this time be different? I’ve never failed at any other distance. I’ve always succeeded on the first try even if it wasn’t pretty. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m sacrificing forming relationships over lunch with coworkers to hit the gym instead. It’s also entirely possible that I’m really good at sabotaging myself for no good reason.



I’ve got 14 weeks left (and 4 days, but who’s counting?) to get my body and mind ready to run 100 miles. I know I need to put in the training. I’ve punished myself by running marathons and ultras under-trained. I know I can’t make 100 miles on my current fitness level. I also know that I want that buckle more than any other medal or trophy in my growing collection. It’s not about winning, it’s not about beating anyone except myself.

So I’m going to get out of my own head and just do it. I’m putting it out there now. Unless I am injured or VERY sick I will not miss a mile. I might rearrange the days within a week to meet situations that arise (switching long runs from Saturday to Sunday has happened twice already) but I won’t sabotage my chances just because ‘I don’t feel like it today’. I know tomorrow it will be easier to skip if I start today and the only runs I will regret are the ones I didn’t do.

If you don’t see a post from me tonight with 5 miles DONE please come track me down and drag me kicking and screaming out the door. Words of encouragement, words of eternal damnation in runners’ purgatory, whatever you’ve got for me, just throw them out there! I need every bit of help I can get!