NPC Mid-Atlantic Cup Championships Recap

I've been thinking about getting around to writing this since May. It's been a crazy four months since my first NPC show and I should probably get this done before I start trying to get back to writing about running and my new passion, acro.

If you follow me on FaceBook then you know that I lost A LOT of weight going into the show. The last week I was eating only chicken, ground turkey, and asparagus for six meals a day. I was drinking 1-2 gallons of water per day while taking over-the-counter diuretics to pull the water from between my skin and muscle. I had to go for spray tanning three times leading into my debut and I still could have been darker. I booked my makeup artist and received my bikini. I already had my heels and jewelry and wig. I also had to get a mani/pedi. Needless to say I was running on empty and on the verge of losing it at any second the last few weeks.

The morning of the show I checked in and got my tan touched up. I had my makeup done and got changed into my bikini and heels. I would spend most of the day only covered by a short and very sheer robe. About an hour before my first class, the open division, went on all of us were shuffled into a tiny, hot changing room. We were all struggling to adjust straps and glue our suits in place (no one wants to see THAT wardrobe malfunction). There was last minute posing practices and pumping up. Girls were eating poptarts and mini candy bars to get a carb pump. And there was a team with the tanning company rubbing us all down with oil. I can only imagine that I should have been embarrassed or shy but I was too excited.

It was finally time to step on stage and I watched the first several girls walk out and pose. Finally my name was called and I thought for sure I would freak out. Thankfully all those months of practice took over and I posed perfectly with a huge grin on my face. I had a blast and felt like it was over in only seconds.

We were ushered back off the stage and back into the changing room and cycled back out for my second division (Novice). It went just as quickly and I was then facing hours of down time before finals that night. Based on my stage placement during the morning show I knew I probably hadn't placed in my classes so I wasn't too worried about getting touched up for finals.

 My coach instructed me to go grab a burger and relax. I happily complied by devouring a burger and some sweet potato fries at Burgatory before heading back to the venue. I felt really out of place being ridiculously tan, too skinny, and made up like a hooker. Everyone was staring at me and all I could think about was trying not to drool on myself waiting for food.

The evening show was just as hectic and fast paced as the morning. Shuffle through the changing room twice, get glued into my suit, have my chest/stomach/butt oiled, then stand in line to be rushed across the stage. The only difference this time was awards were given before we were hustled back off. I placed 8th in the Open division. I couldn't believe it and I was really sad but I still had another class to go so I returned to the line and went through it all again.

I placed third in the novice class. Of course, I still can't be satisfied with anything so, as soon as I was off the stage, I went to the bathroom and cried as I changed into my celebration dress. After a few minutes I pulled myself together and returned to Sean and my family outside. We snapped a few pics of me with my short sword and then it was off to Fuel & Fuddle for dinner with no restraints! That was by far my favorite part of the whole experience!

After the show, I found that there was so much pressure to return to 'normal' eating. Sean was tired of me meal prepping and saying no to beers or dessert every day. My friends and family wanted to go out since I had been reclusive for so long. Before I knew it I was bloated and chubby. I put on about 15-20 pounds in a matter of a week or two. It took me another week or two to reel myself in but then I got back on track.

My breakup a couple months later left me reeling again. But once I recovered I found that my passion for eating clean was renewed. I have now dropped back down to near my stage weight (about 123-125 pounds). I honestly would consider competing again now except for a few things. First, it is expensive. I easily spent a few thousand dollars throughout prep and the competition. Second, I can't have a social life while training that intensely and I have come to value my close friendships too much to sacrifice them again. And lastly, I have fallen in love with acro (and started running again). I can do acro for 5-6 hours a day on the weekend, come home covered in bruises, and still want to do it again the next day. 

So instead of doing what I'm 'good' at I have chosen what makes me happy. I do acro with my friends 2-3 days each week, run 5-6 days, and try to get out for a cheat meal, beer, and some conversation at least once a week. I may never have a perfect six pack ever again but I do have all of the best intangible things life has to offer now.

Let's Do Work!

I passed! I passed! I'm an ACSM Certified Personal Trainer! 

So who's ready to get fitter, faster, and/or stronger?! I'll be picking up a limited number of online training clients starting in February. I will also be making myself available for one on one consults and workouts at your gym (if you can bring a guest) as my schedule allows. Hopefully soon I will have a 'home' gym for the locals to come train with me too! If you are interested then email me at brazentraining@gmail.com and let's get started! 

Controversy in a Bikini

I've gotten some pretty hateful comments and some very wrong assumptions about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. So I thought I'd try a vlog and put some truth out there! I hope you enjoy. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel, Brazen Training, if you like this.

Little Miss Type A: Why Being Competitive is Okay

I recently shared this picture after a run:

It generated over FIVE HUNDRED likes and one hundred comments. Most of them were positive but there were a handful that were absolutely terrible. Let me start with the history behind the photo before I dive into the commentary.

It was a regular Wednesday. I happened to finish my work assignment for the day early. I do field work in industrial settings so when a project is finished, I am finished. Usually this means I get to work on sites for 10-20 hours per day but sometimes things go in my favor. This day was one of them and I decided to make the most of it by fitting in a midweek longer run.

I headed to North Park to run the 5 mile loop around the lake. It's not flat but it isn't mountains either. I began my journey at my usual pace and tuned into the pounding beats emanating from my ear buds. As I finished my second mile a squad of police cadets ran out of a parking lot and began to run in two columns about a tenth to a quarter mile ahead of me. They were close enough that I could see each individual but far enough that I couldn't read the names emblazoned on the back of their t-shirts.

An idea germinated in my mind. I could use these fit fellows as motivation for my run. I began to speed up just trying to get close enough to read their shirts. A group of four cadets broke away from the squad and ran ahead. I felt the drive inside of me begin to whisper, "You can catch them." I poured on just a little more gas and before I knew it my frequent hill runs were paying dividends. I passed the main group on an uphill and gave them a smile and a nod. They returned the greeting and that was that.

Isn't the use of timing devices a way to gauge our progress?

As I slowly gained on the breakaway group, I thought to myself that it was kind of amusing that I had just 'chicked' a group of really fit men. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and snapped the above picture without breaking stride. I assumed it would be too blurry to share but didn't care too much. I continued on with my run, catching and passing the breakaway group, and happened to see another squad of cadets coming the other way. One of them was walking and he looked miserable. I shouted, "You've got this! Keep it up!" He smiled and began to jog again. I finished my run without seeing any other cadets and didn't think much of sharing my picture.

Then the comments began to roll in. At first it was mostly 'LOLs' and 'You go girl!' But then a few people suggested that I wasn't giving the cadets a fair shake. After all, they were doing a formation run which means they were only as fast as the slowest runner. I saw the point but they obviously were able to go at their own pace or else there wouldn't have been a breakaway pack for me to catch. Then there were comments that I would get my a$$ kicked if those guys were on their own or if I tried that with a military member or whatever. At first I argued... I mean I beat men and women on a regular basis and I WAS a Marine.

Then I gave up. The comments came one hundred percent from men. I began to wonder if strong women are that much of a threat or if there's still a negative association with competitive women. Almost all of the comments used the word competition like a four letter curse or as if it was something dirty. In the end, my post ended up being taken down by the moderators and I was left to wonder what was so wrong with passing someone on my run and feeling good about it.

Am I only allowed to be competitive during a race?

Being competitive is associated with being an ugly person in our society. People see it as being greedy and narcissistic. We feel guilty for having competitive feelings and we make other people uncomfortable if they express their own. However, competition can come from personal challenge instead of winning. It's not an 'all or nothing' mentality and it's healthy and natural when it's handled correctly.

Human nature is an elusive concept but everyone has competitive feelings. The coworker who just got a promotion, the attractive friend who gets more dates, the complete stranger who got the parking spot or has a nicer car... They all bring out unsettling feelings and we instantly try to temper or dampen those emotions. 

Mr. Wonderful set out to win his last race... and he did!

Accepting competitive feelings can be hard. Yet when we do, we begin to understand what it is that we really want. Thoughts and feelings are NOT the same as actions. And therefore, feeling competitive and using those emotions as motivation to better yourself is OKAY. 

When we hide our competitive nature we become cynical. "Why is SHE the one who gets all the attention? It's only because her dress is so short." Or we become gossips. "I heard he only got the promotion because he golfs with the VP." Maybe you're thrilled your best friend just bought the sports car you've both ogled since third grade but at the same time you're secretly gloating over how high the gas and maintenance costs are going to be. Pretty soon you are distancing yourself from someone close to you because you have begun to see them as 'materialistic'. Meanwhile, it's only your inner competitor that you refuse to acknowledge. You pretend you don't want those 'things' (car, house, promotion, or race trophy) because competition is uncomfortable and you deny yourself to avoid those feelings. And BAM!, you're leading a life you don't really want.

I wanted my first win... badly

I'm here to say that if you want something then go after it. Don't hurt others to get it but don't deny yourself things that bring you joy either. If you and I find ourselves locked in a dead sprint to the finish line at our next race I hope you know that I'll congratulate you wholeheartedly if you beat me. I hope you can do the same should I take the lead. And, if you pass me on my next training run, let me just thank you now for motivating me to push a little harder, to try to keep you in sight, to be that much faster the next time we meet. And, should I pass you, please know that I'm not looking down on you. In fact I hope you'll challenge me the next time we meet. I hope your training is beyond spectacular and you can share with me all the wisdom you've gleaned and your new favorite speed work drills. I'll gladly share my water with you if you'll share your banana with me.... after the competition is over.

I am a woman. I am competitive. And it's nothing against you.

I often imagine winning a big race in a full sprint to the finish with a worthy opponent during my runs.

Are you competitive? Do you feel insulted if someone passes you on a training run? Does it feel good to pass someone? When is it too much?

Going South

In the several months I took off from running and blogging (and pretty much everything except working) I went through a lot of changes. The guy I was seeing and I didn't work out. I jumped jobs AGAIN. The Jeep blew its engine and I traded it in for a Mazda. I guess it was a pretty eventful few months. But it also brought about a lot of wonderful things.

One of which was meeting the kind of guy I never dreamed existed. We clicked from date one... which was amazing considering I was working 13 hour night shifts and skipped about 3 hours of sleep to meet him for lunch. It wasn't long before we were spending all of our free time hiking, running, going to concerts, and playing in the great outdoors. The only downside was knowing our time was limited. See, he lives 600 miles from me and was only home for the summer. 

Even his dog is awesome

When it came time for him to leave we both had trouble saying goodbye. I promised to visit. He was sure I never would. And next thing I know I'm on my way to the Carolinas to spend a four day weekend with him. And it was without a doubt one of the best weekends of my life.

We went bar hopping Friday and I got to meet a few of his acquaintances. Saturday we were up bright and early to cheer on his friends at a CrossFit competition. I have never in my life felt so tiny as I did standing next to the ripped men and women of Carolina CrossFit. I am certain I looked like an idiot walking around with a huge grin on my face the whole time. I forgot how much fun it is to cheer and crew for athletes. (Which reminds me that I should really volunteer for a race soon.)

I may never be this much of a beast

After the competition it was time for our own workout. A nice 5 mile trail loop was a joy to run. It was flat, well groomed, and fairly scenic.... except for the 90 degree temps and the raging humidity. For the second time that day I was humbled as an athlete. It only reinforced my desire to get back in shape and be able to keep up with my boy and his friends. Then we had dinner with one of his running partners and her boyfriend. She is training for the Chicago marathon and kept us all laughing with her stories.

Sunday was more of the same. Another trail run in a beautiful park. There were so many things I don't see in Pennsylvania. Armadillos, huge snails, Spanish moss, and cacti. I loved every minute of our time on the trail. Well, except for when I twisted my ankle on a root. But I do that in PA too. Guess you can't leave clumsy at home.

After all the adventures and craziness, we are both still very into making this work. So I guess it's time for some southern races since I'll be making the trip fairly often!

Time to start knocking some more states off the list!

 

Double Dip is Quite the Treat!

If you haven't realized we're a little crazy around here by now then you must be new (so welcome!). On that note, my husband decided he was ready for his first 'double dip', that is 2 races in 2 days. We signed up for the Cold Man's 5k in Oil City on 12/3 and the Trot for Tots in Oakdale on 12/4.

I have been training pretty hard so I didn't expect too much. You're probably thinking that doesn't make sense but, yes, it does. I feel like I'm walking a very thin line between training hard and over-training. I was hoping to PR, maybe get my sub-25 goal, and I had a vague hope that I could take third overall if I had a really great run (based on the last years results). I was pretty sure my husband had a better shot than I did at all of those things though!

I guess Christmas miracles do happen because we showed up at the Cold Man and I saw right away that there were few women who had that 'hungry' look most of the winners have. I saw quite a few young teens wearing highschool track gear so I figured they would probably crush me. I talked to one of them while I was waiting at the start line and she said she hadn't been running much since the last track season. I felt a vague hope come back then. My husband wasn't so lucky and the local super-runner showed up at the last minute.

Right around this time is when we were bombarded by Mr. Know-It-All. I guess these guys are everywhere. They've run 5 half marathons this year and lost 80 pounds in the last two years so they must have a corner on the running market right? This guy bugged my husband and I (and everyone around us) about our training methods, our mileage, our recent injuries, and everything else under the sun and then tried to tell us what we were doing wrong. I very calmly warned my husband that if he didn't beat Mr. Know-It-All by a large margin I would happily beat him with a stick for subjecting me to this torture on a Saturday morning.



Mercifully the race director began a speech about not getting shot on the wooded trail (thanks hunters with no common sense) and avoiding direct collisions with the returning faster runners. I listened with half an ear as Mr. Know-It-All gave his input on each point ("Take off your reindeer antlers now!" *giggle giggle*). I guess I had good motivation from my urge to get far away from him. The race director shouted go and I took off like a bullet... for about .2 seconds.

The people who lined up at the very front? All walkers. Sigh. I dashed up a grassy hillside and ran along as best I could until I was past them all. Upon returning to the trail there was one of the young track girls in front of me. I decided I would just try to stick to her and maybe, just maybe, I could take second or third afterall. Imagine my surprise when, maybe a half mile out, she suddenly grabbed her side and came to a dead stop! I'm never happy about another runners pain but I'm pretty sure she just went out too fast and got a side stitch so I gladly passed her.



But then I realized, to my horror, that I was first woman! This early on it had to be a mistake! I began to worry if I was going to have a marvelous and awe-inspiring blow up that would leave me walking the last mile. Right about this time Mr. Know-It-All passed me. That was the motivation I needed right there. He'd already told me he averages a 23 minute 5k so I knew I wasn't going to beat him but I sure as heck wasn't letting him annhilate me either! I latched on to a group consisting of Mr. Know-It-All, a man running with two little boys (YES! See my post on Running with Kids!), and a few other men.

The man who appeared to be the father of the younger boys seemed to be struck by a side stitch as well. He suddenly pulled off to the side and yelled for the boys to continue without him. Those little boys KILLED it, super fast! As we approached the turnaround I saw my husband and he told me there was no one for at least 100 feet behind me. I was losing the group but I told myself I could hold it together for the last half. The volunteer at the turnaround shouted 11:57 as I skidded around the cone and then he said, "You're the first woman." I almost died right there as all the doubts crowded back in again.

I heard footsteps behind me as I neared the two mile mark and a man pounded past me. I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as I saw it wasn't a woman but I started to really freak out because I was losing it by this point. I should have been easily making my sub-25 goal but the third mile seemed to take FOREVER! My legs felt like lead, my lungs were dry, and my throat was on fire. I couldn't escape the feeling of panic that told me the second woman would be creeping up on me any second. I didn't like the feeling of having a huge target on my back!



As mile 3 came to a close I knew I had it if I just pushed. I risked a glance back and the second woman was about 30 seconds behind me. My husband was yelling at me from the finish line and the clock was nearing 25 minutes with every tick. I wanted to cry as I watched it tick past that mark I've been working so hard to break! My official time was 25:10. To be fair, I can't complain, it's still a 22 second PR and I got my first overall award out of it!




My husband wasn't quite so lucky. He missed a PR by about 10 seconds and ended up 9th overall. He did get first in his age group though and he beat Mr. Know-It-All so I didn't have to whip him when we got home!

Overall I'm surprised how it feels to win. It's a little bit hollow. There was no real competition, no last minute sprint to the finish. I don't feel like I really 'earned' this win. Maybe it's just the super-competitive side of me but it honestly just doesn't feel real. I showed my trophy to my mom and then tucked it onto the shelf in the basement and went for a 9 mile run to process what had just happened.

It actually felt a little bit 'better' to lose on Sunday at the Trot for Tots. I was sore and stiff and exhausted after my 12.1 miles the previous day. I went out at 'normal' pace for a 5k and just did my best to maintain. My competitive drive even kicked up a bit at the end and I tried to out-sprint a woman at the end. It didn't work with my dead legs but I tried anyway! And the trying, the really working to beat myself and someone better than me, felt good! Really good! I finished just under 27 minutes and 11th in my age group, a pretty 'slow' time for me now but something I never would have imagined doing a year ago.



All in all, it was a great weekend! And as cliche as it sounds, I'm really glad I finally understand that it's not about 'winning' so much as trying make myself better than I was yesterday. The joy is not in beating everyone else. It really is about beating myself. Whoever would've thought running would make me wax philosophical? Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age!