I also work out with a personal trainer one day a week. He makes sure I incorporate strength training and some HIIT ala-CrossFit rather than just running. I really enjoy my sessions and always wake up with a good case of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) the next day. So I thought it was really cool that my trainer offered to add an additional session per week at no additional cost.
Now I think he had another motive other than my typical badass, work-myself-to-death-and-love-it attitude. During my last session my Ink N Burn camisole flipped up during burpees showing my
A very old pic showing all my ink.
I got this tattoo on my 18th birthday and I don't regret it but I don't show it off either. My trainer has lots of tattoos so I wasn't worried about it. He made some small talk about our tattoos and future plans for more ink but I didn't think much of it. At some point he used the word 'cute' in what I thought was in reference to my tattoo.
Apparently I was wrong. This morning I was on my way to the office and I got a text from my trainer. It's not that odd for him to let me know he has an open session or has to cancel by text so I checked it when I arrived at my desk. The ensuing conversation went like this:
Trainer: Hey I didn't offend you with the cute comment did I?
Me: No. Not at all!
Trainer: Ok good! Cuz you are very cute.
*insert the theatrical music here.... dun, dun, dun....*
Me: Uh, thanks. LOL.
Trainer: LOL. You're welcome. Are you shy?
Me: No, not really but I am happily married.
End conversation.
Now I'm worried and upset and lots of other weird feelings. I never looked at my trainer as anything but a guy with a lot of muscle who knows a lot about workouts. I am not attracted to him and I would never betray my husband like that.
In essence, I'm worried that my gym, my sanctuary, has now become a place of stress. That it will be awkward to work out with him in the future. That, if I were to switch trainers, I might not get one as knowledgeable and well trained. That I might need to just cancel my membership and lose out on those lunch breaks altogether. And that, if I tell the gym why I do any of these things, he will lose his job. I don't like any of the solutions and I don't like being in this situation.
I wear my wedding ring to the gym, I talk about racing with my husband, I talk about our children and I can't think of a single time when I've ever given any hint that I'm not happy or would ever want to change my current status. I feel guilty, like I must have given the wrong impression at some point. I feel angry that my trainer would think it's appropriate to use his work to pick up married women. I feel confused about what to do and, most of all, I feel sickened and disgusted that this is happening at all.
So tell me, has this ever happened to you? If so what was the outcome, what did you choose to do, and why? What do you think that I should do and how should I handle it?
YIkes! I'm a PT and am always very careful to draw the line between work and other. A few things to think about.
ReplyDeleteHas he ever made you feel uncomfortable before, via words, a look or touch?
Is it possible that using text to talk about an awkward moment has made it more so? I avoid using emails to talk about personal things because they're so easily misread.
If you really want to stick with this trainer, clear the air. Let him know that you value your training relationship with him and that you don't want it to 'get weird' over an innocent comment or text. He'll get your message, regardless of whether his comment was innocent or not.
Good luck!
um, new trainer for me, please! I go through trainers like candy, though.
ReplyDeleteWhat your trainer did was totally unprofessional. Your gym probably has rules that govern this type of behavior. You should report what he did. If they don't handle the situation, find another gym. Any professional understands boundaries and the importance of these boundaries. He is not a professional. Chances are you are not the first person he has approached in this manner. He should not be training anyone.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Pamela says. It was totally inappropriate behavior and you should inform the gym. It has probably happened before, but if nobody reports it, it will continue.
ReplyDeleteUnprofessional! Move to another trainer and don't look back. Don't stress out about it. I would also bring it to the attention of the gym management that his text message was unwelcomed.
ReplyDeleteUgh. This sucks. I'm conflicted on how to deal with it, considering how much you've liked training w/this guy. I like Tamara's idea of clearing the air, but only if you're up for that and feel like you'd be able to trust him again. I also think this was totally unprofessional on his part and agree that it'd be completely appropriate to report him to gym management - if they're a professional outfit, they'll fire him and then that'll take care of the awkwardness issue for you. In any case, please don't waste your precious time & energy feeling guilty b/c this guy hit on you!? Life's too short - you are in the driver's seat - take time to figure out what'll make YOU feel best now and act on that. Hang in there and good luck!!
ReplyDeleteGeez, it bothers me that you say you feel GUILTY. You didn't do anything. He's the creepy GUILTY one. Go to your favorite gym and get another personal trainer and tell him why you're changing PTs and how wildly inappropriate his behavior was and that you're going to be cool and not make him lose his job, but you want him to stay away from you. Don't punish yourself for him being a jerk. You're a strong person, you can have your gym and not have to deal with his crap simply by putting him in his place.
ReplyDeleteWAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE HERE! Did any of you ever stop to think that the real problem here is Sara's inability to just accept a compliment from someone who obviously feels comfortable enough around her to speak freely? Again, all this guy did was tell her she was cute. It was a simple compliment, not an invitation for infidelity. Now all of the sudden, you people are making him out to be a sexual predator who's trying to get into Sara's new Team Aquaphor shorts. Stop and think about this before you jump the gun. Personally, I think that you're all just a little too eager to crucify this guy for being nice. So while all of you have the pitch forks and torches out, why don't we all go punish every parents, grandparent, relative and close friend who ever told a child that he or she was cute. And now you say: "OH NO! WAIT! THAT'S DIFFERENT! It's a confidence builder." I rest my case.
ReplyDeleteTo Sara - Just keep training with this guy if he's as good as you say he is. All he did was tell you that you were cute.
I disagree with Jim. I might think that a girl is cute, but I would never express it in a text message. If I ever said it, it would be spontaneous and accidental. He set out to see where she stood on the original comment (that was not nearly as bad as the text). The fact that he "followed up" on the original comment shows intent. He then asked if she is shy... This is a classic feeling out line for guys. You can tell a lot by a person's response to that question. She handled it beautifully. What should you do? I am not sure, but I would certainly change trainers. It is hard to regain a level of professionalism after a gaff like that one.
ReplyDeleteOK Jerry, I see where you're coming from. But look at this for a second. So what if this guy's intent was to 'feel out' the situation? Maybe he was interested in taking his relationship with Sara to another level. Big freakin' deal! Since when has it become a crime for a guy to hit on a woman? Another thing is that statistics say that women are more likely to cheat than men these days. How do you know that Sara didn't unknowingly initiate something prior to this incident. Maybe her husband was acting like a big douche bag and she was venting to her trainer or something like that. And now you've got all these people calling for Sara to tell this guy's employer and get him fired. Really? All for telling her she's cute. Get over it an move on to something more important.
ReplyDeleteAs for your comment Jerry about "thinking that a girl might be cute, but would never express it in a text message" or if you did "it would be spontaneous and accidental.", how you approach a good lookin' woman and ask her out is your business son. Back in my day though, a man had to show some balls to get the pretty girls. I did!